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Still the Shortest

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Strapping youth with hulking frame can fill a young girl's heart with rapture
I think that I could do the same even though I may be small of stature

Don't be confused by the statistics, my family's average height is 5'6"
But the tallest in the family is 5'10"
And there's got to be someone to balance out the scale
And that's me
Tiny me

All through my younger days they'd holler
"Don't worry, someday you'll get taller"
But that didn't help to ease my pain and I cried
And I tried to reach the distant handle of the door
And the fridge
And the toilet


All through my childhood I'd cry and I'd wail and I'd fidget
Blessed with Brad Pitt looks but size like a midget
A statue of the Greeks but of diminutive size

In east L.A. all the people call me "chaparito"
Hermana Barra can call me "gordito"
But they don't understand my pain that I feel inside

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still the shortest guy I know
(not if you count Christopher Walken but he has no legs)

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still short

(I wanna take cup cakes and put 'em)

I'm so cute that you cannot hate me
But some tall girls refuse to date me
Even if I bring a stepping stool to her door
So that I can reach my tasty lips up to her face
She grabs mace
Muchos tears

Although my ego takes a beating
I can still go trick-or-treating
Which I do and have each year since I's in 8th grade
Which was actually the last time that I grew at all
I bear-crawl
The football


Muggsy Bogues, Earl Boykins, Spud Webb, Tom Cruise, Princess Wee Wee
All breathe clean air and have low center of gravity
Inspired me to achive stuff even though I'm a shrimp

Give me a tall wife so our kids won't be short and stocky
Let them be Bullwinkle not puny Rocky
And so that they can lead normal lives and not say

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still the shortest guy I know
(except for Vern Troyer, but I actually never met him)

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still short.
(Care Bears are short.)

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still the shortest guy I know
I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still short.
(not as short as my big toe)


Words by Tim "I Heart Pillars" Jones and Weston "Freak I'm Hot" Wride, music by Tim "Jungle Quencher" Jones © 2005

Solo: Weston

So you know Totoro, right? My Neighbor Totoro? If you don't, learn.
This was written specifically for Weston, and is about Weston, and if you want to know what all the lyrics mean, you'll have to ask him.
The "totoro" was originally meant to be just nonsense jazz syllables, but I like sticking in recognizable words when they fit the mood and energy of the song (see "Chaka Khan" et. al. in Uncle Earl's Hairpiece). On the drive back from the airport when I was picking up Weston to come record in Colorado for a week, we were chatting about stuff and the movie came up (what movie, you ask? Go do a Google search already), one of our family favorites, and Weston laughed at the linguistically-correct manner in which I pronounced the word. A couple days later as we were recording the song, and it came to that spot, Weston chimed in that I should change the syllables to totoro. I did. It worked. It grew. It was lovely.