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The Ballad of Mr. T
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Lyrics
It's 1983
Who do I see on the movie screen and on my TV?
A jubilee of anarchy
With his mohawk cut and his jewelry
That man's name was Mr. T
Saw him in Rocky III
Clubber Lang fighting Rocky
And he proceeded to knocky-knocky Rocky out
Title bout
Stone cold without a doubt
Yeah, but then at the end of the movie Rocky came back
Yeah, right!
That was so fake, that was so rigged!
I mean, you put Sylvester Stallone and Mr. T alone in a closet for FIVE minutes and YOU see who comes walking out of there alive!
It'll be Mr. T every single time, because Mr. T was so cool!
Mr. T! Mr. T!
You're the man I want to be
Mr. T! Mr. T!
In my dreams you're all I see
Mr. T! Mr. T!
You're big and round just like a tree
Mr. T! Mr. T!
You're A-OK with me
I loved his cartoon
Saturday mornings in my living room
And sometimes on weekday afternoons
He was so cool
You better believe I pity the fool
Who don't like his cereal
He's so untouchable he's almost ethereal
Like... some kind of... ghost or something...
Yeah, biggest, scariest ghost YOU'LL ever see!
But Mr. T, he wasn't scared. He wasn't scared of nothin'!
Oh, I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking, "Well B.A. was afraid of flying"
Yeah, right!
You know what that was? Well I'll tell ya.
That was a corporate lie made up by the executive producers so when he said, "How come that fool Murdoch get paid more than I do?" they could say, "Well your character's afraid of flying"
That was so fake! Mr. T wasn't scared of nothin'! He wasn't scared of nothin'! He was so cool!
Mr. T! Mr. T!
You're the man I want to be
Mr. T! Mr. T!
In my dreams you're all I see
Mr. T! Mr. T!
You're big and round just like a tree
Mr. T! Mr. T!
You're A-OK with me
I wanna meet Mr. T
I wanna see Mr. T
Eat, drink, and breathe Mr. T
Oh let me be Mr. T!
Where are you today?
B.A. M.I.A.
Was it the FBI or was it the CIA that took you away?
Or was it a UFO?
Where'd you go?
I'm telling you now the world sure could use a hero like you
You could even teach MacGyver a thing or two
About making stuff outta nothin'
Outta nothin'!
I mean, B.A., he'd have some car parts and a ballpoint pen and some... lettuce, and he'd make... a cannon! Or a freakin' helicopter! Outta nothin'! Outta nothin'!
He was so cool!
Mr. T! Mr. T!
You're the man I want to be
Mr. T! Mr. T!
In my dreams you're all I see
Mr. T! Mr. T!
Only you can set me free
Mr. T! Mr. T!
You're A-OK with me
I pity the fool who don't like Mr. T
I pity him
I pity him
Notes/Trivia
Written by Glen's brother Brandon, and recorded by Glen's old a cappella group Norm (wow, that's an old web page).
Glen sings the lead and also does the bad vocal impression of the drums from Led Zeppelin's "When the Levee Breaks". Oh, and he does the ethereal A-Team thing in the last verse.
moosebutter fully intended to resurrect this song, but somehow we never got around to it. Glen's probably too old to scream like this on a regular basis anyhow. But we can always bask in this recording of his insane rantings, preserved for generations to come. Enjoy!