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Valentine's Day Song, The

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Life would be happy and full of big smiles if you would give in and be mine
I'd grant all your wishes I'd wash all you dishes I'd eat rotten fishes
If you would be mine oh

Dawn until dusk I'd be warm and content if you would say yes and be mine
I'd swim 'cross a river I'd tremble and shiver I'd donate my liver
If you would be mine oh

Oh I think you're lovely I think you are keen I will give you a diamond I'll give you my spleen
Chihuahuas are barking and cars they are parking and lovers are falling in love
You're too much to contemplate you make me hyperventilate
And I'm laughing and giggling etc.
I love you so much that it makes me unwell so I feel like I'm going to die

I would do backflips and pull out my hair if you would say yes and be mine
I'd kick my addictions I'd tamper with friction I'd have strange conniptions
If you would be mine oh

I would invite (Ross Perot / Steven Hawking / Martha Stewart) (home) for dinner
My mother she loves me Darth Vader he loves me so why can't you love me?
Oh please just be mine

Licking a steaming hot engine block seemed like a worthless activity 'til you were mine
Now I'm enlightened though others are frightened when you wear galoshes and dance on my spine
If you would be mine (I'd buy you a chicken)
Your love I would pine (My stomach would sicken)
You are very fine (like a cheap ballpoint pen)
Your love is a crime (you can say that again)

If you would be mine!


Tim "Torque" Jones © 2000, 2005
Additional music by J.S. Slagowski and Bryant W. Smith
Backgrounds by Glen, Tim and Weston.

Solo by Chris

This song was literally inspired by a bad love experience. When I was in college, in 2000, I was trying to date a girl. We were pretty good friends, but hadn't known each other long. I was also a very odd kid, and she probably wasn't the most normal of people, either. I was really hungry for companionship, and wanted to at least go out with her a few times, but she pretty much boldly and bluntly shot me down. It was on Valentine's Day (rather the day before for a date on the day). The following Monday I was walking to work, and, well, THE MUSE hit me with a whopper... I was actually trying to write a despondent woe-is-me-my-heart-is-broken kind of song, but the giddy giggle that I never do in public for fear of being locked up bubbled forth, and out came the lyric. The tune was there, pretty much, and Josh and Bryant helped me out with the rest of the music.

Other alt lyrics:
Chris sometimes sings "Betty Crocker for dinner" and boy, that's humorous.

There were a few other verses begun for inclusion in this song, oh so many years ago, but it's too long ALREADY so chill. My personal favorite was starting a verse with "I would extract my own eyeball with pliers..." THAT'S comedy.


moosebutter (three-man version)

Tim wasn't in town for this 2005 performance, but a fan had made this nifty moosebutter puppet. We'll leave it up to you, the viewer, to decide who's more handsome.