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udder won

***Liner Notes and Trivia


Here be the liner notes from udder won. Corrections and mumbo jumbo send on over.

moosebutter is
Chris "Mighty Melon" Harris
Tim "Power Pimple" Jones
Glen "Ultra-ROUND" Sawyer
Weston "Super Siphon" Wride

This album was cooked up by the following folks:

Shaun "Hair Farm" McIntire
June Audio Provo, UT
3, 5, 6, 10, 12, 14

Dan "Herculean Eyebrow" Carlisle
Soularium Studios Alpine, UT
3, 4, 9, 12, 15

Tony "Dimples of Doom" Huerta
Eko Recording Studio Denver, CO
2, 3, 5, 6, 10

Mark "Disco" Oblinger
Jungle Time Boulder, CO
6, 7, 8, 11, 13

Tim "Like that's your real name" Jones
The Batcave Longmont, CO
6, 11

Bill "Gypsy Ligament" Hare
DYZ Studio San Jose, CA
1, 4, 9, 15

All but 6,11 and 12 mixed by Bill "Barbed Fire" Hare. You are a gentleman, a scholar, a magician, an acrobat, a technical guru, an artist, and a pointillist.

6, 11, and 12 mixed by Mark "Sunny Rage" Oblinger. You are, in a word, Totoro.
Mastered at Airshow Mastering, Boulder, CO. www.airshowmastering.com

All recordings and songs copyright © 2005 Alces Magnus Music
except as indicated, and in addition to listed copyright information.


Uncle Earl's Hairpiece
Tim "Y" Jones © 2005

The Valentine's Day Song
Tim "Torque" Jones © 2000, 2005

Glen "Smurf the Bucket" Sawyer © 2005
Solo by Deke "Wild Wigwam" Sharon on the muted Quiche
Special help from ambient noise specialist Bill "Wonder Thug" Hare

Harry Potter
Music by Roy "Skippy" Orbison and Bill "Bill" Dees (BMI). New lyric and arrangement by Tim "Knotty Boy" Jones. Guest vocal percussion by Wes "Tyrant of the Magazines" Carroll www.mouthdrumming.com

I Hate Mosquitos
Marnae "Power Grandma" Wilson and Tim "Itchy" Jones © 2004

Midnight musings upon completing the works of Byzantine philosopher Iohannes Philoponus, Act II, scene iii
Tim "Tooth Ferry" Jones © 2005

Still the Shortest
Words by Tim "I Heart Pillars" Jones and Weston "Freak I'm Hot" Wride, music by Tim "Jungle Quencher" Jones © 2005

Rubber Monkey
Tim "RM, I miss you..." Jones © 2000, 2005

Tim "Confused by the Eggs" Jones © 2004, 2005

Hicksville pt. 1
Tim "Sofa Soldier" Jones © 2005
Performed by The Hicks Brothers: Cletus (bass), Vern (baritone), Jimmy John (2nd tenor), Elmer (lead), and Zeke (1st tenor)

Jon Boy Jon
Music by Claude-Michel "I am not a bread" Schönberg copyright © 1987 Alain Boublil Music Ltd. (ASCAP). New lyric by Liz "Sweet Socks" Edmonston. Arr. Tim "Orbit" Jones

Hicksville pt. 2
Also by those scoundrel Hicks Brothers, and their maternal grandfather

Witch Doctor
Ross "Tape Speed" Bagdasarian, Jr. (ASCAP)
Arr. Tim "Wad o' Smell" Jones

Glen "Webmaster" Sawyer © 2005
Tweaked and formatted and spiffified by Deke "ThighMaster" Sharon, Bill "StratoCaster" Hare and Tim "PedalFaster" Jones.

Photography by Stan "The Mantis" McBean www.photographicsolutions.cc

Album produced by Tim "Happy to be ugly" Jones

Special and heartfelt and gushy thanks to Deke "Dental Wash" Sharon, special consultant and honorary group harpoon-wielder.

This album is dedicated Rubber Monkey, Mon-chi-chi, Mr. Penguin, and William McGonagall. For their stories, visit www.moosebutter.com/lostloves

Where can you go to find:
Song lyrics? Show info? Fan art? Chris' zoological sign?

1. Convocation 0:10
2. Uncle Earl's Hairpiece 4:21
3. The Valentine's Day Song 4:08
4. Sarah 1:10
5. Harry Potter 3:12
6. Mosquito 5:43
7. Midnight musings upon completing the works of Byzantine philosopher Iohannes Philoponus, Act II, scene iii 0:17
8. Still the Shortest 5:34
9. Rubber Monkey 1:54
10. Doug 1:56
11. Hicksville 5:35
12. Jon Boy Jon 2:41
13. Hicksville reprise 0:12
14. Witch Doctor 1:44
15. Squirrels 11:00


Official release: July 4, 2005

Highest note sung on the album: C above middle C, a the end of Uncle Earl's Hairpiece.
Lowest note sung on the album: a C# at the end of Uncle Earl's Hairpiece.
The only non-human sounds are the latin-y percussion on Still the Shortest.
And the percussion in Hicksville.
Oh and the washboard in Witch Doctor.
And also the thump in Witch Doctor - that's Tim thumping on a small suitcase.
And the car in Witch Doctor.
And anything else that's probably not human?



We didn't put a long list of thanks in the udder won liner notes, and didn't feel justified adding extra pages just so we could wah wah about all the amazing people we know. However, there are definately people who deserve copious amounts of gratitude, who we recognize here:

Bob Ahlander, Deke Sharon, Rol Sharette, Tony Huerta, Norm Silver and Neil Harrington: each of you for friendship, mentorship, kindness, guidance, support and advice.
James Stevens and all the Vocal Point guys, past and present, who have been great friends and great inspirations.
The fine folks in the many groups who have been so kind to us: The House Jacks, Cadence, All About Buford, Idea of North, Groove Society, Undivided, Eclipse, Voice Male, Octappella, T Minus 5, Reprise, 17th Avenue All-Stars, Face, Curious Gage, No Better Cause, Noteworthy, ...

From Tim:
Becca, Caleb, Anda: Thank You, sincerely and deeply, for your patience and tolerance, with the travel, the un-ending show reports and ideas discussions, and for my virtual absence when the muse and / or deadlines hit. You are inspiring.

From Glen:

From Weston:

From Chris:

**reviews and critical response


"Wonderfully wierd" --- Anna, Boulder, CO

"Genius!" ---Deke Sharon, San Francisco, CA

"If Frank Zappa were still alive, he would heartily approve of
Moosebutter, I think (tell me Zappa wouldn't have recorded something
like bizarre "Midnight musings upon completing the works of Byzantine
philosopher Johannes Philoponus, Act II, scene iii" - go ahead...). The
songs on this, their follow-up to their oh-so-wittily-titled debut "See
Dee," are brimming with obscure references, both historical (see
Byzantine reference above) and personal ("Still the Shortest"),
spanning musical styles from surf-pop ("Uncle Earl's Hairpiece") to
oom-pah-pah odes ("Valentine's Day Song") to beatnik jazz (silly
"Sarah") to slightly skewed doo-wop harmonies ("Rubber Monkey") and
parodies of popular songs about young wizards - their timely tribute to
"Harry Potter" to the tune of "Pretty Woman" is corny but clever. It's
fairly hard to take these guys seriously, but one is pretty sure that's
what they're after. That's not to say that the CD isn't musically
tight, or in tune, well-produced (by Bill Hare) or enjoyable - it is.
And with a combination of cheekiness and intelligence, they achieve
amusement levels that will probably encourage cult-like adoration among
fans, new and old, deserved or not. With the advent of the Internet,
and the way things procreate and proliferate among web-savvy music
fans, expect these guys to be passed around for quite a while." ---ACappella.com

"There they were, 4 young guys from Utah at one of the daytime West
Coast Summit 'showcase concerts,' in white headbands, red polyester
running pants and black windbreakers, singing 'Captain Organic
Vegetable Man' and 'Star Wars.' That night they were invited to do some
of their set at the big Summit concert at Marin Veterans Auditorium,
and the crowd went nuts. Segue to May, 2003, another Saturday night on
the same stage--the Harmony Sweeps Finals, where Moosebutter came in
second only because The Idea of North could have beaten a choir of
angels that night. Although they're not our type, we loved Moosebutter
from the beginning, and have played their 1st CD, 'See Dee,' until
'Psycho, the Musical' sounds like Alvin & the Chipmunks. Their
long-awaited 2nd CD, 'udder won' is now safely installed in our
boombox. 15 manic songs, like 'Uncle Earl's Hairpiece,' the deeply
romantic 'The Valentine's Day Song,' 'Harry Potter' (sung to the tune
of Roy Orbison's 'Pretty Woman'), 'I Hate Mosquitoes,' 'Rubber Monkey,'
'Hicksville, parts 1 and 2,' 'Jon Boy Jon,' a particularly crazed
'Witch Doctor' and the never-ending 'Squirrels' (In My Nose). 'Udder
won' (which we think refers to the fact that they had one 'See Dee' and
this, obviously, is the 'udder won'), is funny, bizarre, weird,
brilliant and totally bananas. Our theory centers on something in the
Utah water, and we'll take a six-pack!" ---Primarily A Cappella

"My sister gets really annoyed when I play the Squirrel song, so I play
it a lot." ---Macquel, loving sister

"It's difficult to type when I'm laughing so hard... MAN - what a great
CD... 'I Hate Mosquitos' may become my all time moosebutter fave...but
then there's 'Harry Potter'....hmmm....wait...ther e's 'Still The
Shortest'....nuts...too many choices...
BRAVO, gentlemen!" ---Rick Alloway, KRNU Vocal Chords



I live inside a belly button.


Composed June 15 in San Jose, CA.

Voices by Tim.



I love you.
You love Doug.
I don't really like Doug.

You love Doug.
Doug loves Martha.
Martha don't really like Doug.

Doug loves Martha.
Martha loves Brad.
Brad don't really like Doug.

Brad loves Sue.
Sue loves TRUTH.
TRUTH don't really like Doug.



[Background Vocals]


Tim "Confused by the Eggs" Jones © 2004, 2005

Solo: Glen

Ah, Doug. A tasty tidbit of joy. Composed in the wee hours of the morning, probably around 4 am, in the midst of an arranging/composing binge (that same night I did two arrangements for college groups, Cheeseburger for moosebutter, and composed Doug. When THE MUSE comes to visit, ladies and gentlemen, just let 'er do 'er thing). So, think all-nighter, little food, staring at the computer for 12 hours straight, and that's pretty much the explanation of the song.
We premiered the song at the BYU A Cappella Jam a week after it was composed, April 2004. We then fully intended to never, ever perform it again, not record it, completely drop it from circulation and let it become the wraithful stuff of legends. Alas, Bob Ahlander's daughter's plaintive pleas reached our ears, as did a desperate need for show filler for SLC First Night the following Dec. 31st, and we pulled it out of retirement. Thankfully, now that it's in the set, we don't have to sing Wild Thing anymore.
Postscript: after the all-night scoring session, with absolutely no sleep, I drove 8 1/2 hours to Provo, Utah from Colorado Springs, Colorado. During the drive, just outside of Grand Junction, I hallucinated that my one-year-old daughter was talking to me OUTSIDE THE DRIVER'S SIDE WINDOW.
If any of you ever try that I will personally track you down and slap you with the idiot stick.
All background parts sung by Tim, to give it the ultra-smooth texture that it has.


Maxed Out Puppetry

Harry Potter


Harry Potter, you live beneath the stairs.
Harry Potter, you've got unruly hair.
Harry Potter, the giant Hagrid he comes to call
You're not a Muggle after all

Harry Potter, you've got a cloaking cape
Harry Potter, beware Professor Snape
Harry Potter, up in the tower you have your room
You started flying on a broom

Harry Potter I'm quite sure
You'll like your life in Gryffindor
Harry Potter, you cast your spell on me
Harry Potter, when school starts
You'll fight against the darker arts
Harry Potter you cast your spell on me

Harry Potter, your books are super keen,
I love your bogey-flavored jelly bean.
Harry Potter, you're playin' Quidditch up in the sky
But just beware the evil eye.
(Voldemort! Aaah!)

Harry Potter, I think you will go far
Harry Potter, I dig your facial scar
Harry Potter, when you grow up what will you be?
When will you marry Hermione?
(Book Seven)
(I do...ha ha... I'm so pretty..ha ha..

Harry Potter, please don't end
Harry Potter, you're my friend
Harry Potter, I'll miss you when you're gone

Harry Potter, let me look
At the end of the seventh book
I gotta know how things turn out for you

Harry Potter


Music by Roy "Skippy" Orbison and Bill "Bill" Dees (BMI).
New lyric and arrangement by Tim "Knotty Boy" Jones.
Guest vocal percussion by Wes "Tyrant of the Magazines" Carroll http://www.mouthdrumming.com

Weston and Chris on the lead parts

This was inspired by reading some parodies on Harry Potter fan sites. We were looking for something to tap into the HP phenomenom, and this seemed like a good fit. The Lyrics were relatively easy to write, and it's fun.
It's one of our favorites to do in shows now, even though the other 3 didn't want to do it at first. We've gotten a lot of mileage out of it for publicity events, etc.
Wes recorded his vp when he was up in Utah for a vp seminar.

In the original demo version, there was a brief random conversation just before the big "Harry Potter" right at the end of the song:

"If you were a Dementor, what would be your name?"
"And if you were Pete, what would be your favorite garden vegetable?"
"I would love the squash, because I could squash them on bad people!"

Why this bit of pure comedy genius was removed from the CD version is an unsolvable mystery.


Edited by unfabulousme

Hicksville, pt. 1


(transcribed by Patti for moosebucks!)

It's been seven long years since I went crazy!
And the years 'fore that all seem a little hazy!
Well, I play my washboard and I keep singin'
And a'every time I see you my ears start ringin'
Oh Baby!

Well I sing like a badger and I dance like lightnin'!
If you see me in meh skivvies then you know it's kinda frightin'
If all I eat is chicken'n'molasses
then why are my intestin's always gasseous?

Oh I play me a cat-gut half a string fiddle
Just listen up all and I'll tell you all a riddle
If I'm the handsomest man ya ever saw,
then why do all the women try ta hit me in the jaw?
Please tell me!

Now that was the first part of our two song medley. Here comes our second song, I hope you enjoy!

(chorus) Will you love me truly darlin' till the day I die?
Will you love me if my face looks like a crusty old cow pie?
Will you love me in the mornin will you love me all night long?
Will you love me even if I sing this really stupid song?

Okay, that's good.

I didn't do much schoolin past the time that I was ten
And my family hasn't owned a book since President Nixon
And my car's out front on cinderblocks and my B.O. is strong
But I'm happy how I'm livin' cause I sing this stupid song.


I may do my taxes wrong but I can sing this stupid song!


Me and all my brothers go out huntin' for raccoons
In the woods and in the hollers by the shinin' of the moon
We don't worry if we lose our way or if our path goes wrong
We just dance around and sing out loud our really stupid song!


Dancin in my leather thong singin out my stupid song!


Now here comes a solo by my brother Zeke.

*high pitched warbling* (gotta get a tunic)

Good solo, Zeke. Now let's hear somethin' from...Cletus.

*panting, dois and yeahs* (gotta get a gluestick) (chorus)

Hit my skull, with a gong, I will sing a stupid song!
*dumb laughing*

Wanna see my rash?
Huff puff!

Now my brother, Jimmy-John, is gonna play his stomach.

*bums, hoots, and stomach-playing* (something about a sandwich)

The simple life don't seem too wrong if you can sing a stupid song!

My brother plays a GOOOOOD stomach.

Chorus times four, fades at the end of the fourth.


Tim "Sofa Soldier" Jones © 2005
Performed by The Hicks Brothers: Cletus (bass), Vern (baritone), Jimmy John (2nd tenor), Elmer (lead), and Zeke (1st tenor)

The idea for this song, or rather the first part of this song, came while riding a shuttle bus on the University of Utah campus. ??????. Me neither. Anyway, I did an abbreviated version July 4 2000 with the moosebutter Timpview All-Stars. The song was then sent off to limbo, and like Rubber Monkey, was dusted off for the album. I likes it. The second part, "Stupid Song," spewed from my left nostril one evening at my home (at that time a basement apartment in Orem, Utah) and lay serenely written on the back of an envelope for three years.
The Hicks brothers were brought in for the sake of authenticity, and did an admirable job learning and recording the piece quickly. Unfortunately, they stole every last candle in the studio, and that was AFTER mispronouncing Wolf Blitzer's name as we watched CNN, so we don't know if we'll bring them back to record again.
There was originally supposed to be a third part to the medley, "Welcome to Utah," but for the sake of our global audience I took out the state-specific section. Also, the Hicks couldn't pronounce "Utah." We might do it at a show sometime.

Hicksville, pt. 2


My grandmother likes to eat dirt for dinner. Tastes like yum.


Hicksville pt. 2
Also by those scoundrel Hicks Brothers, and their maternal grandfather

It's a reprise. What can I say.
I'd originally thought of following this with an extended square dance, but didn't have time to write/record. Someday?

I Hate Mosquitos


I hate mosquitos.
I hate mosquitos. Bam!
I hate mosquitos. Bam!
I hate mosquitos. Bam!

This song is dedicated to the unholy nastiness of mosquitos.

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Mosquito, how I love to hate you.

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Fie on you, wing-ed pestilence.

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Bloodthirsty bug! You give me the willies.

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Mosquito, mosquito you're a most amazing pest.
Mosquito, Mosquito, won't you please just let me rest.
'Cuz you're buzzing around my ear like a fat man at a buffet line.

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Mosquitos: sworn enemy of felines.
I hate mosquitos.

Locked in combat with geriatric gardeners.
I hate mosquitos.

Also, battling the A-team.
I hate mosquitos.

I pity the fool who is a mosquito.

Mosquito, mosquito, you are really not my bud.
Mosquito, mosquito, you are feasting on my blood.
And I swear by my uncle's hair I will smite you with my ninja wrath.

I hate mosquitos.

Mosquito: hated by burly men.
I hate mosquitos.

Also by angry men.
I hate mosquitos.

Also by men who used to be men but who are now teenaged girls.
I hate mosquitos.
They're like all in my Mary Kay bag.

I hate mosquitos.

Get 'em off of me! Get 'em off! Get 'em off!

I hate mosquitos.

I hate 'em!

I hate mosquitos.

I just can't stand 'em any more!

I hate mosquitos.

I'm so sick of the stupid mosquitos!

I hate mosquitos.

Somebody get me a machete, I'm gonna cut them all into pieces!

I hate mosquitos.

They're in the butter! The Butter!


Time for you to sing with us!
If you're home, or if you're in the car, or if you're at your friends house,
or if you're in the park, or maybe you're out in public just standing on a
street corner listening to our music, it's time for you to sing.

Get everybody around you to sing with you, because it's gonna be fun! Hahahaha.
This is what you do,
When I count to three you sing, "I hate mosquitos!"

And if you sing it really loud, No mosquito will ever bother you ever again.
Your whole life!
Sing out loud, singing's fun, singing it good.
Ok, Ready? One, Two, Three!

_ ____ __________, BAM!
Oh, That was good! Now sing it louder this time!

_ ____ __________, BAM!
That's Fun!

_ ____ __________, BAM!

Sing it like you're a monkey on a sugar buzz!
_ ____ __________, BAM!

Now this time, we're gonna sing, and you're gonna do the "Bam"s. Do it like you
hate the mosquitos, cuz those mosquitos are nasty! I HATE THE MOSQUITOS!
Yes, Ok. Good, So, Ready? We'll sing and you do . . . the bam.

(Please do not attempt this while you are driving heavy machinery,
butchering livestock with any kind of sharp blade, or preforming surgery of
any kind. Please do not do this while watching reruns of Melrose Place.
Please do not attempt in at least forty five minutes from eating a meal or
consuming a beverage. Do not attempt if you're name is River or if you're
named after a state or if your name rhymes with "igloo." Citizens of Ohio
must pay the applicable taxes)

One, Two, Three

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Did you do it? Do it! Stronger this time!

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

"BAM" as if there's a mosquito right in front of your face!

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Feel the burn! Make it sweat!

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Mosquito, mosquito, all your buzzes are like taunts
Mosquito, mosquito, you disturb my ambiance
You're the worst thing in the world you're like a politician with no tie and

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Crush the mosquito!

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Bam, with vigor and strength!

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Destroy the insect!

I hate mosquitos. Bam!

Kill them! Kill them all!

When I was in the army, we would fight against the mosquitos, and we won!
Because we're better.

I hate mosquitos.

If I were a mosquito I would smash myself.

I hate mosquitos.

They're called mosquitos. But they don't taste like mesquite, trust me.

I hate mosquitos.

Mosquitos: hated by ugly people.

I hate mo--BZZZT!


Marnae "Power Grandma" Wilson and Tim "Itchy" Jones © 2004

Solos by Tim

My mother-in-law made up this goofy tune to sing to my kids, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I added the jazzy bridge verses for live shows. For the recording, we just added a bunch of stuff. Chris's angry-man screaming was completely improvised, and makes me wet myself every time I hear it.

This was the last song completed for the album, and stuff was added in four different studios (five if you count the bug zapper at the very end of the song which was added at Airshow Mastering) (yes that is supposed to be a bug zapper... we looked for a real sound sample to use and couldn't find one, so I did one with my voice, and I'll be darned if it doesn't sound exactly like a lawnmower hitting a gazelle).
This song really is cooler if you sing along. Also, dance along. Also, shed along.

The creepy mosquito guys right before the singalong are a tribute to a goofy flash animation at http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Potato/ - there's a lot of cool 'toons on that web site, and I digs the humor, but some of them are a tad icky so watchit. Not icky immoral, but icky... British. You may want to get familiar with some of the songs (Breadfish, Annoying, magical Trevor) 'cuz they'll probably show up in a show at some point. One of our shows, I mean.

Jon Boy Jon


I'm Jon Boy Jon
I'm simple like a possum
I'm John Boy John
My girlfriend thinks I'm awesome

We met at our family reunion
I saw her there by Grandma Claire
I loved her in an instant

And I know I'm plumb out of my head
We are first cousins and the gene pool ain't too deep
And I know our kids'll be inbreed
But I'm in love, and I'm losing sleep

I remember the first time I met 'Lizbeth Daisy Blossom.
My heart went skitter-patter!
And I knew she was the only one for me.
And if I could, I would marry her in a big ol' celebration down at the Super Wal-Mart down at the county line.

But I know it's wrong
And I don't wanna have none of those freakish, webbed-toe blue smurf babies
But, I just can't help it...I just...Well, I...I just...

I love her
But since our moms are sisters
We won't wed
I'll never be her Mister

It's not fair
Our union can't be legal
We'll never date or consummate
'Cause lovin her is wrong...ish

I love her
She loves me

But we're cousins

I'm pathetic Jon Boy Jon


Music by Claude-Michel "I am not a bread" Schönberg copyright © 1987 Alain Boublil Music Ltd. (ASCAP). New lyric by Liz "Sweet Socks" Edmonston. Arr. Tim "Orbit" Jones

Solo by Chris

Liz Edmonston was an actress I did a dinner theater show with in Salt Lake a few years ago. The show we did was "The Phantom Killer" with parodies of Phantom of the Opera songs; my character was Gomer Grunt from Swill County, Kentucky who happened to be able to sing beautifully. Liz's "character" "wrote" this song as a tribute to me (it's a parody of "On My Own" from Les Miz in case you missed that) and I liked it so I stole it. The real me, not my character me. I've sung it around, accompanied by piano, including at my senior recital in 2001.

Midnight musings upon completing the works of Byzantine philosopher Iohannes Philoponus, Act II, scene iii


*this song is not in English, so no lyrics will be provided*


Tim "Tooth Ferry" Jones © 2005

All vocals by Tim

I don't work on Sundays, but one Sunday night this whole ditty popped into my head more-or-less complete, so I dashed down to the studio and laid down the tracks before it left my head. I later re-recorded the parts at Jungle Time, to get better sound quality, and Bill mixed the stuff to create the delicious artistic experience you have before you. Bon Appetit, Simon.

Rubber Monkey




Rubber Monkey, I lost you somewhere
Rubber Monkey, where did you go?
Rubber Monkey, I miss your rubber head
Oh Rubber Monkey please come home!

Rubber Monkey, I'll never fail you
Rubber Monkey, I miss your face
Rubber Monkey, I will impale you
if you do not speedidly return to my embraace

Rubber Monkey, I really like to sit with you and watch TV
Rubber Monkey, I really like the good luck that you bring to me

Rubber Monkey, we will do yoga
I will mail you to my friend who lives in Rome
Rubber Monkey, I really like it when you wear a toga
Rubber Monkey, please come home

Rubber Monk, I love your floppy rubber legs
And your crazy floppy rubber monkey arms
And your vicious rubber teeth and that rubber tail that spells relief
with all your mystic rubber monkey charms
(we got the monkey)

Rubber Monkey, joy of joys
You're not like those other toys
Rubber Monkey, you taste really good in soup (soup) Soup (soup) Shoop-boop-doop-e-doop

Rubber Monkey, are you contagious?
Rubber Monkey, are you a gnome?
Rubber Monkey, it is outrageous
That you will not visit from your interstellar home

Oh Rubber Monkey Please come home


Tim "RM, I miss you..." Jones © 2000, 2005

For details on the origin of this song, see the lost loves page
I did write most of this on the road. Musically it is inspired muchly by Bryant's O Pretty Baby (found on see dee).
It was performed once with the moosebutter Timpview All-Stars, July 4 2000, before dashing off to hide it's strange little head for a few years. Weston pestered me for a long time to bring it back into circulation so I did already leave me alone now we're not going to sing "Gilligan" OR "Still, Still, Still."
The beginning of the recording is the way it is because that's the way it needed to be.





Now why on earth would we spoil the fun of this song by giving you the lyrics?


Glen "Smurf the Bucket" Sawyer © 2005

Solo vocal by Glen
Solo by Deke "Wild Wigwam" Sharon on the muted Quiche
Special help from ambient noise specialist Bill "Wonder Thug" Hare
Recorded by Dan Carlisle at Soularium Studios.

Glen improvised this at Soularium when we went in for a session, as he was waiting around for everyone else to show up. Ditto Squirrels. Bill and Deke then added the crowd noise and crafted the sound; Deke improvised the "trumpet" with his voice. Bill, Deke, and I added more noise and clapping and chatter (listen really close for Bill's "liver" line). Otay.



I got squirrels in my nose.
And they are happy.
Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy
'Cuz they are friends with the chickens that are in there, too.


Glen "Webmaster" Sawyer © 2005
Tweaked and formatted and spiffified by Deke "ThighMaster" Sharon, Bill "StratoCaster" Hare and Tim "PedalFaster" Jones.

Opening section: all Glen.

Notable Quotes:

"It's like wacked-out Philip Glass." Alexa, Choral Conducting DMA candidate, Boulder, CO.

A long tune. But it could have been longer! We were going to have it be exactly 20 minutes long. I fact, we had an early mix that was timed so there was exactly to the second ten minutes of the opening lick, that goes on for one minute on the recording you have. Just think about that for a moment... 10 minutes... I mean, your sanity would literally trickle out your ear and on to your shirt collar. Anyway, cooler head prevailed and we did just one minute. Still haven't decided if that was the best choice?

We meet new friends in this song! By when they appear:

1:00 Todd Dixon and Ralph Smith, pirates. Ralph is the one crunching.
1:22 first ... mysterious ... vocal shadow ... of Bubba Hicks ... reading his old family recipes ... he's a distant relative of the other Hicks family.
1:45 Nigel Oglebottom, host of the BBC's "Find the Animals," with special guest Manfred Jensen, animal luminary.
2:23 Johnny the Squirrel, infamous New Hampshire gangster named for his preferred form of torture. Ironically, in the exclusive FBI audio footage featured here, he's torturing a low-level hood known only as "The Squirrel." Weird.
3:08 the Rush Limbaugh Family Singers. For booking, contact Frozen Fingers Entertainment, Inc., Billings, Montana.
4:20 Eccentric radio host from Topeka, Kansas that is known only as "Share." Interview with wildlife guy Bob Bobberson. Archive recording provided by KRAT.
5:43 The Bavarian National Polka Team and Folk Dance Ensemble
6:23 Greg
6:37 Ingus McPlaid, dentist.
7:01 Manfred Jensen, cousin of Great Britain's celebrity animal expert of the same name. Being interviewed by Steinrich von Hichtenstein, radio personality.
7:43 Stan Rather
7:57 Ingus' uncle, Scott, television nutritionist. We're not sure exactly what he says.
8:11 More Hicks kinfolk! Buford and Buford. They're sisters.
8:42 Lars, submarine captain
8:49 Chef Kee
8:58 Deke Sharon, a cappella celebrity and collector of odd trivia.
9:07 Dr. Wade Dwayne, PhD., reading his original poem, "Game Time"
9:44 The Weevuls with their 1967 radio hit "Squirrels"
10:55 Cletus. But you met him already.

Still the Shortest


Strapping youth with hulking frame can fill a young girl's heart with rapture
I think that I could do the same even though I may be small of stature

Don't be confused by the statistics, my family's average height is 5'6"
But the tallest in the family is 5'10"
And there's got to be someone to balance out the scale
And that's me
Tiny me

All through my younger days they'd holler
"Don't worry, someday you'll get taller"
But that didn't help to ease my pain and I cried
And I tried to reach the distant handle of the door
And the fridge
And the toilet


All through my childhood I'd cry and I'd wail and I'd fidget
Blessed with Brad Pitt looks but size like a midget
A statue of the Greeks but of diminutive size

In east L.A. all the people call me "chaparito"
Hermana Barra can call me "gordito"
But they don't understand my pain that I feel inside

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still the shortest guy I know
(not if you count Christopher Walken but he has no legs)

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still short

(I wanna take cup cakes and put 'em)

I'm so cute that you cannot hate me
But some tall girls refuse to date me
Even if I bring a stepping stool to her door
So that I can reach my tasty lips up to her face
She grabs mace
Muchos tears

Although my ego takes a beating
I can still go trick-or-treating
Which I do and have each year since I's in 8th grade
Which was actually the last time that I grew at all
I bear-crawl
The football


Muggsy Bogues, Earl Boykins, Spud Webb, Tom Cruise, Princess Wee Wee
All breathe clean air and have low center of gravity
Inspired me to achive stuff even though I'm a shrimp

Give me a tall wife so our kids won't be short and stocky
Let them be Bullwinkle not puny Rocky
And so that they can lead normal lives and not say

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still the shortest guy I know
(except for Vern Troyer, but I actually never met him)

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still short.
(Care Bears are short.)

I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still the shortest guy I know
I'm still the shortest in my family
I'm still short.
(not as short as my big toe)


Words by Tim "I Heart Pillars" Jones and Weston "Freak I'm Hot" Wride, music by Tim "Jungle Quencher" Jones © 2005

Solo: Weston

So you know Totoro, right? My Neighbor Totoro? If you don't, learn.
This was written specifically for Weston, and is about Weston, and if you want to know what all the lyrics mean, you'll have to ask him.
The "totoro" was originally meant to be just nonsense jazz syllables, but I like sticking in recognizable words when they fit the mood and energy of the song (see "Chaka Khan" et. al. in Uncle Earl's Hairpiece). On the drive back from the airport when I was picking up Weston to come record in Colorado for a week, we were chatting about stuff and the movie came up (what movie, you ask? Go do a Google search already), one of our family favorites, and Weston laughed at the linguistically-correct manner in which I pronounced the word. A couple days later as we were recording the song, and it came to that spot, Weston chimed in that I should change the syllables to totoro. I did. It worked. It grew. It was lovely.

Uncle Earl's Hairpiece


Once I was eaten by a man-eating great white shark
Once I was crushed by an anvil when it fell from the sky
Once an old man in a wicker chair smote me with his mind powers
Once I leapt off a cliff when I thought I could fly

But of all the things that happened, being shot or boiled in hot grease
Yeah, of all the things that happened
They can't be as bad as the time I ate my Uncle Earl's hairpiece

Once I was pursued across the Bering Strait by mafiosa eskimos
I had two tons of uranium surgically embedded in my head
I was chewed upon by hungry kittens of a rare Siberian white tiger
Scary guys from Fiji made me use a hot volcano for my bed

But of all the things that happened, being stoned or insulted by my niece
Yeah of all the things that happened
They can't be as bad as the time I ate my Uncle Earl's hairpiece

Uncle Earl is not known for his hygiene
Oooh Chaka Khan
He has the aroma of old cod
Zeegan za Fleegan
He's perfected perfuse perspiration
Sweaty uncle! Bleah bleah!
Believe me his flavor's very odd

Once I was trampled by a crazed mob of teenage girls
I found myself on the business end of Genghis Khan's wrath
My innards were consumed by a virulent alien bacteria
My poor brain was pureed when I tried to do math

But of all the things that happened, licking feet or chewing on fleece
Yeah of all the things that happened
They can't be as bad as the time I ate my Uncle Earl's hairpiece

Once I was blindsided by a hurricane and carried off to fairyland
I spent six long years employed as a dummy that they used for crashing cars
I was slowly stalked and taken out by poorly wardrobed culinary ninjas
I was punished for my jokes and exiled to the darker side of Mars

But of all the things that happened, being gonged or mistaken by Maurice
Yeah of all the things that happened
They can't be as bad as the time I ate my Uncle Earl's hairpiece

It was sitting on the kitchen table
I mistook it for a corn soufflé
I had eaten nearly seven-twelfths of that wretched thing
Before I realized my mistake!

Looks like hair
Feels like hair
Tastes like hair
Not real hair
I don't wanna eat hair


Uncle Earl's Hairpiece
Tim "Y" Jones © 2005
Composed Spring 2004. No real inspiration for the song (not based on a real incident, if that's what you're wondering), just had a nice music idea and the lyrical idea came and it was a matter of filling in the pieces.
Recorded at Eko Recording by Tony Huerta.

All voices and vp by Tim, except for a little bit of Weston on the "Hygiene" part.

Fun activity for you: there are some alternate lyrics during the "Uncle Earl is not known for his Hygiene" section. Where the background vocals sing "Chaka Khan," etc. there were alternate lyrics that YOU can sing as you listen. Try them all to see what you like best!
Alternate lyrics for "Oooh Chaka Khan": *
Alternate lyrics for "Zeegan za Fleegan": *
Alternate lyrics for "Sweaty Uncle Bleagh BLEAGH": *




Custom-made CG animation. Coolness.

Valentine's Day Song, The


Life would be happy and full of big smiles if you would give in and be mine
I'd grant all your wishes I'd wash all you dishes I'd eat rotten fishes
If you would be mine oh

Dawn until dusk I'd be warm and content if you would say yes and be mine
I'd swim 'cross a river I'd tremble and shiver I'd donate my liver
If you would be mine oh

Oh I think you're lovely I think you are keen I will give you a diamond I'll give you my spleen
Chihuahuas are barking and cars they are parking and lovers are falling in love
You're too much to contemplate you make me hyperventilate
And I'm laughing and giggling etc.
I love you so much that it makes me unwell so I feel like I'm going to die

I would do backflips and pull out my hair if you would say yes and be mine
I'd kick my addictions I'd tamper with friction I'd have strange conniptions
If you would be mine oh

I would invite (Ross Perot / Steven Hawking / Martha Stewart) (home) for dinner
My mother she loves me Darth Vader he loves me so why can't you love me?
Oh please just be mine

Licking a steaming hot engine block seemed like a worthless activity 'til you were mine
Now I'm enlightened though others are frightened when you wear galoshes and dance on my spine
If you would be mine (I'd buy you a chicken)
Your love I would pine (My stomach would sicken)
You are very fine (like a cheap ballpoint pen)
Your love is a crime (you can say that again)

If you would be mine!


Tim "Torque" Jones © 2000, 2005
Additional music by J.S. Slagowski and Bryant W. Smith
Backgrounds by Glen, Tim and Weston.

Solo by Chris

This song was literally inspired by a bad love experience. When I was in college, in 2000, I was trying to date a girl. We were pretty good friends, but hadn't known each other long. I was also a very odd kid, and she probably wasn't the most normal of people, either. I was really hungry for companionship, and wanted to at least go out with her a few times, but she pretty much boldly and bluntly shot me down. It was on Valentine's Day (rather the day before for a date on the day). The following Monday I was walking to work, and, well, THE MUSE hit me with a whopper... I was actually trying to write a despondent woe-is-me-my-heart-is-broken kind of song, but the giddy giggle that I never do in public for fear of being locked up bubbled forth, and out came the lyric. The tune was there, pretty much, and Josh and Bryant helped me out with the rest of the music.

Other alt lyrics:
Chris sometimes sings "Betty Crocker for dinner" and boy, that's humorous.

There were a few other verses begun for inclusion in this song, oh so many years ago, but it's too long ALREADY so chill. My personal favorite was starting a verse with "I would extract my own eyeball with pliers..." THAT'S comedy.


moosebutter (three-man version)

Tim wasn't in town for this 2005 performance, but a fan had made this nifty moosebutter puppet. We'll leave it up to you, the viewer, to decide who's more handsome.

Witch Doctor


I told the witch doctor I was in love with you
I told the witch doctor I was in love with you
And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do
He said that

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang

I told the witch doctor you didn't love me true
I told the witch doctor you didn't love me nice
And then the witch doctor, he gave me this advice
He said that


My friend the witch doctor, he taught me what to say
My friend the witch doctor, he taught me what to do
I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you


My friend the witch doctor, he taught me what to say
My friend the witch doctor, he taught me what to do
I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you, oh, baby



Ross "Tape Speed" Bagdasarian, Jr. (ASCAP)
Arr. Tim "Wad o' Smell" Jones

Solo: Weston

An oldee goodie goodie oldie, I arranged this for us to sing at the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City... you know, hospital, doctors, Witch Doctor, hospital... uh...
I've had my High School a cappella group sing this, too, 'cuz everybody loves the chipmunk voice.

What other moosebutter song did RB, Jr. write? It's not Turkey Dance.

There's a bridge that we don't have in our arrangement:
You've been keeping love from me just like you were a miser
And I'll admit I wasn't very smart
So I went out and found myself a guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to win your heart